I won't lie, this isn't the first letter I've ever written to myself - my journal is filled with letters that I've scribbled to myself. But as you know, this is the first time I'm writing to... my other self, but you're not really me anyway. People say that we're the same, but we're not. And I kind of get it because I'm starting to get the impression that we're fairly similar, but still... we're not the same. We'll never be the same. I don't want to be the same.
Because I'm really upset with you, Kori.
I woke up yesterday and it felt like I'd been hit in the head with a sledgehammer. It wasn't the first time I'd felt so disoriented and exhausted out of my mind, but I trudged on. I had a party to set up for and I wasn't ready to look at any letters you had written to me to tell me what happened during the week - assuming you left me anything at all. I went through the whole day feeling like there was something looming over my head, something that was going to personally affect me. I couldn't really remember what had happened last week, but there were faint impressions and memories that would come to mind every now and then. Nothing really bothered me, though, because I didn't understand the context of anything or know the reasons why or think about the finer details.
Until I read your letter last night. And you know, part of me wishes that I hadn't read it. I preferred the days of not really knowing what was going on. When I thought I was going crazy or had some type of split personality disorder. It was hard and I literally thought I should be sent to get professional help, but at least then I could have known the hard facts and known that it was all some chemical imbalance in my brain. I could have felt some sense of security in seeking medical help, some sense of control in fixing things.
But this... there is no cure for this and there's no help that I can think of except the conversations I have and support I get from my friends. There's no control in this. There's apparently nothing that will stop you from doing exactly what you want when you want it. I don't even know what kind of conversations we have when you're... here, in my brain, but I know that I would have been fighting with all of my strength to try to stop you.
Did you even listen? Did you even stop for one second to listen to my pleas? Did you stop to think of what this would do to me when you left or how I would feel? Are you so entirely selfish?
I really want to give you the benefit of the doubt. Until now, I really haven't known much about you. I haven't wanted to research you. I haven't wanted to figure you out because then it's just... all the more real. I can only accept this in little spurts and I wasn't ready to know you. Now I feel like I have no other choice but to read up on what the comic world has to say about you because I really want to know what would motivate you to treat my body the way that you did.
I feel so completely violated, Koriand'r. And I haven't felt that way for years.
There's a part of me that wants to be super mad at you and write in here a whole paragraph where I'm cussing up a storm and telling you off, but what good would that do? It wouldn't do either of us any good. I don't want to hate you, and I don't - please understand that, I don't hate you - but right now you're making it very difficult to like you. I know this isn't easy for you, and I really can't imagine what it feels like for you to be here, in my body, so I'm not going to blame you for what happened, exactly. I know that there's a lot that you might not understand or remember. I know that we're different. I know that you come from another world, planet, custom and culture, so it would be almost worse for me to sit here and point a finger at you when this may have all been one big mistake. In the end, it might be hypocritical for me to say anything at all, so I'll stop while I'm ahead.
I want you to know that even though I'm upset and feeling betrayed and unsure how to move forward in this 'relationship' with you, that I forgive you. I hope we can make amends and I hope we can figure this thing out. And I really hope that in the future you'll think of both of us. I'm the one who gets the burden of dealing with the consequences to your actions, Princess. Please remember that.
- Story